It is raining again! Boo. Wanted to take a nice walk by the beach but guess not. I really don't like spending my weekends in the hostel room. Anyway I was onto my usual "omgawwwd I am totally pathetic and wanna go home I have no one hereeeee boohoohoo I'm just working for free" depressive mood again yesterday (I do have such dramatic episodes from time to time especially when I don't laugh or make much conversation for the day.. which is really strange. But anyway I think it's more of an emotional-relational thing. Yeaaaaaa...

And then I came home, snuggled in my bed, hugged fake Pinto and was like "uUUUgghhhH GOD whhhhy" whining like a big baby. And then I remembered something. In the last 2 weeks I was here (which btw felt like 4eva), I've been invited to a couple of hangouts, star photography trips, dinner roast and grocery trips out to the bigger town... and yet I've really not been appreciative of that. And that made me realise - Well mostly because I've always been having this mentality of "hey God has sent me here OKAY God ALRIGHT what shall I do, who can I influence, who am I here for, what can I do to create change." Which on hindsight is not a bad thing really, I mean it's good to see what you can contribute to at all times. But then it came to me... Maybe God put me here so I can see His goodness, and in that I can reflect His goodness to others. Huh. So maybe it's not always about what I'm sacrificing (which I don't mention often but I know deep inside I feel like I have been doing that, lol @.@) but it's about the kindness God wants to reveal to me!

It's always so easy to think that I'm stepping out into "THE FIELD", going for "THE HARVEST", having to "GIVE ALL I HAVE", that raw "Ok God I will SACRIFICE EVERYTHING 'cause I'm so noble" attitude and I think that should change, well for me at least. 'Cause what that really makes me feel is that I'm going into this place to "change others" but I myself am in a state of pathetic-dom because I am going through *rough times*. Ok how the heck will I help others if I am in that state myself?! Lol.

So really I'm learning to breathe in God's goodness. Take it all in. It's hard to see sometimes especially when I start grumbling and tend to not be grateful of people around me. It's not so much of who I'm been sent to change, or what I've been sent to do, but really just understanding who God is showing Himself to be in this moment, and when I see that - I can reflect that to whoever! No wonder the Bible constantly says "to him who sees and to him who hears.." ..! SO STOP ENTERTAINING THAT SPIRIT OF SELF-PITY, yes it can be very fun sometimes to moan and groan, but STAHP IT. Haha. Life has a funny bone indeed.

And on that note, here is my third sketch of the week! My lameo camel-head-flag-like- thingamajig,