I wonder if.

Whooh. Friday. What a week! ..pretty much as with any other to be honest, except this week felt more ..renewing I suppose, if that can even be used to describe it. Soooooo. I've been having a ton of thoughts wandering in my mind, which really makes me wonder. And it also inconveniently prevents me from getting sleep. Srsly. Uncomfortable at night. Some of them good though. I am beginning to wonder if one can feel the compassion of God on one person and less on another. I mean like, is it possible that you would feel compassion from above on someone, and you feel really compelled to speak with that person, but not so much on other people. Like the compassion of God to move is on different people..? Shrugs. I also wonder if God has a different "level" of favor for different people, not that He loves one more than the other... but just in terms of favor... I've also come to realize that God, really, has, different, ways of bringing people up. I used to always feel the need to tell people "THE TRUTH", which really is just me speaking of my own opinions sometimes. I mean, I definitely have good revelation from God, but I also need to learn to recognize the season that the person is in and if it is applicable for them... I never used to think that. I just always wanted to blurt out everything, it's good to listen most of the time, haha. There are definitely some foundational truths that cannot and should not be tossed around with, but I find that when it comes to personal experience and encounters - there is no one right way. So it's really hard to tell someone to believe this -or that. I don't quite want to rob someone of the experience of encountering God for themselves. It's good to share stories though, it really is. Coming here made me realise how much I love talking to people, having good ol' raw conversations. Really helps me to process God's nature. Isn't it amazing! Funny how we always think we can only learn about God in one way. God is SO diverse. He IS God after all. He truly is. I don't think I can ever comprehend the uniqueness of God. I tried to... May I just say, IMPOSSSSSIBLE. And yet He calls us to seek after Him, it is the Glory of God to conceal a matter, but the honour of kings to search it out! I'm still trying to learn how to minister to people, but as I ponder over this now, I think I'm first learning how to be a friend. Can never get enough of that eh.

I've never really valued relationship as much as it's worth. I need to understand the culture of relationship and family before I proceed furthur. Sometimes I feel like God brought me here to learn that. Having grown up in the city it's hard to find a "family". By that I mean friends whom you value so much you would be willing to lose your life for. Mostly because things move rapidly in the city and you never really have time to truly talk. Most of the time we end up distracted by shopping and movies... and other people, an activity I enjoy with a cup of Starbucks - people watching. Anyway, the point is that I think the culture here is really different. Because it is such a small community, it's like everyone knows each other! It's not like everyone is super warm and friendly to anyone in the world, but they are to each other! It's almost like they know that without one or the other, their lives wouldn't be complete..! Interesting. I'm still trying to adapt though to be honest. Small talk is always easy for me because I don't have to put in the effort to build a relationship... But man if I continue with that, I'm gonna be one lonely donkey without anyone to value or without anyone to value me. That would be saaaad. So on one hand while I feel like God has me here for a reason, I am still here to learn and learn and learn again. Most of the time I just need to pick myself up from the pothole of self-pity and be bold. And yet I must not forget to be completely vulnerable and honest with God. God is funny. As Christians we tend to seperate one from the other. We always want the extremities. But God is all about balance. Once again, we NEED ever so desperately to hear God and be with Him to understand what He wants to say for the moment. Thank God He loves to do that! Can you imagine a god who hates talking and listening?! Boy that would be one horrible world... which most people are already living in since that is the kind of god they live for :x

Okay I think that is enough rambling for the night. I really wanted to do a picture of a toucan and here it is. Not proud of it though, since it was mostly a trace that required nothing much more than a bit of time. I like how this is pushing me to draw - gotta post a sketch if I am to blog! Haha. Grrrrreat.